on losing a comrade

i wrote this in an email recently to a friend with a strong faith of her own, who had expressed condolences and shared the fear that came up for her when confronted with young death:

andrew is the third peer we've lost in the last few years. every time i've gone through a range of reactions, including:

1) this place/time sucks. pardon my language, but that's pretty much the sentiment. death, sickness, evil, injustice are all fruits of the kingdom of darkness, which for now we can only see partially vanquished.

2) so my resolve to fight is strengthened. to make sure that i am wholly dedicated to the kingdom of light and love and rescue. this is a day-by-day struggle, to take care of responsibilities that seem mundane while remembering what exactly is eternal: family, friends, neighbors, enemies, and the work of building the kingdom. much of the time i miss it.

3) with the disciples to say to Jesus, "where else can i go? you alone have the words of eternal life." even when i am angry that He didn't save the life of someone i love, and i just don't get his "Human Resources" decisions, i can still only find life in Him. and that is the only way to deal with the misery of loss. He is a good Lord, and He allows me to come angry, discouraged, frustrated, whatever.

someone once shared the analogy of a field commander and a battlefield. He is in charge, and we will will one day win, but there are losses every day. i don't understand His purposes in allowing those losses, but there are mysterious words in Scripture about the power and productiveness of suffering in His kingdom. it is perhaps our most powerful weapon.

4) to seize the day with the ones i love and live every day with beauty.

5) wondering, like you, what suffering lies ahead. my lifeline is to draw closer to Jesus. perfect love casts out fear. He has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and sound thinking. this has been my mantra for many years now and praise God that fear is no longer a dominating presence in my thought life. but i still get harassed with "invitations" to fear and have to keep holding up the truth. my "life verse" chosen by my parents is linked to my name, from Phil. 4: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." this is my prophetic calling, to embrace peace and live in prayer and thanksgiving, come what may.

thanks for engaging on this level of life. it's one of the things i like about you!

peace for today,

shanti